so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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