pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
