I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
