So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
