I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
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bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
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Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.