what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
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well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
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No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot