how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
