The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.