So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS