Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.