WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
