ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
