he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
