Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
