He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
