It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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