Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
