omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
