How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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