you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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