I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
