just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
