Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
