in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
