I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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