What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
