too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she told me i tasted like america
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
