how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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