didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
