Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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