I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
