be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
