Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize