she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
