This is not my ceiling
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
