Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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