Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
