i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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