at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
