I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
