I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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