i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
