well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it glows. i had to have it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
don't judge my taste in strippers
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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