Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
