she looked like the before picture.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
