Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
