I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
