The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
