you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im holly from the hills drunk
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
