I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
