Yo dont text me then not text me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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