honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
