how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
