Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
