matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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