I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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