you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
