All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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