Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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