Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
