Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
