Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
