wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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