i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
