so explain again why im purple
no
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
