the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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