rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
