I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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