this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
