TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
