I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
