Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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