i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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