the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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