i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
