There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
