What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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