my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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