I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
