mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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