Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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