I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
