um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
