yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
