Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
